There is nothing like an injury or illness that sits you fair and square on your arse with hours of thinking time. Time to reflect about who you are, and what you’re doing, and who is important in your life.

This has been my lot for the past month. Where I ruptured my achilles tendon, and have had not one but two surgeries, and have a few weeks/months still ahead of me til Im up and about, fully mobile again.

As you may have grasped by now, Im a bit of a do-er. I like to get things done. The old saying goes, if you want something done, ask a busy person, well that ‘busy’ person is me. Busy in thoughts and busy in actions. Actually, I hate the term ‘busy’… because you can get ‘busy’ doing anything, you can be ‘busy’ watching tv every day of your life, but I assure you that’s not me. I think with me, it was the fact that one day a long time ago, someone decided to put me in a ‘box’ or pigeon hole me and said that you will be like this and there is nothing you can do about it. I have been determined, completely, on the subconscious level, not to be bound by what others say is my lot or destiny in life. I have wanted to live every day to the full. Mind you this has come at a cost, which I have slowly been realising over the past 12-18 months. But, I think everything you want in life comes at a cost; it can be monetary, it can be time, it can be a divorce. Its like we always have to sacrifice something to have something else. You want a big house, you work your tail off, to work more hours to get more money. You want to work overseas, this comes at a cost of missing your family and friend, the list goes on…
For me, the cost has been ‘enjoyment’. I have forgotten what it is like to enjoy life, to enjoy and be in the moment, of getting to a place of peace, where I can sit back and relax. I think this is partially because I always have so many little projects Im working on, so even though one thing gets finished I need to then focus more of my efforts on something else and then I take on more projects.
Last night, I was sifting through some photos that I have saved on my computer, that I NEVER do! We literally have thousands of photos of our life on the computer, that once they are taken they are loaded on the computer and never seen again. But last night, I spent probably 2 hours going through looking at our family and how much it has grown over the past 10 years! 10 YEARS, its nearly a quarter of my life. I started to see my kids again and who they were back when they were little and it made me sad. Not because I wasnt home with them, or away working often, but because I dont know if I have ever really been there! Does that sound strange? I feel like I have almost no memory of the times when I nursed them out of hospital or took them to school for the first time or helped them learn to ride a bike etc. I feel like saying… but but, Ive done all of this so that they can have a better life, well some of this maybe true, but what constitutes a ‘better’ life, is it more things, is it more experiences, is it a big house, or new t-shirts each week? Who bloody well knows anymore? Life has become so ‘busy’ (there’s that word again) that we dont have any time for anything, we have to plan fucking play dates for our kids! When all that used to happen, was we walked over to a friends house and knocked on the door and asked… can Matt come out to play? What happened to life that made us too occupied to be in the moment? It makes me sad, very sad.
So, what does this mean and how is it going to change my life? How am I going to learn from this? I want to say that I am going to slow down a bit, I want to say I am going to take up meditation and go all alternative therapies, but you know what, Im not going to do anything like that. I am just going to get back into the moment, and I am going to appreciate my family and the people around me every day and go from there. Thanks for reading!

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